Category Archives: psychology
Complex P.T.S.D is many stressful incidents over a period of time. It can also be called childhood P.T.S.D.
I have found much help from this You Tube channel called The Crappy Childhood Fairy and want to share her introduction video. I hope her channel helps someone else as much as me in my healing process.
A great first video to get you started in healing.
If you suffer from inflammation, depression, sleepless nights, heart problems, poor blood circulation or a long list of other health conditions then you may want to watch this informative short documentary. With spring here and summer on the horizon we are able to kick off our shoes and connect with the ground again. If you don’t have the time to watch this documentary right away then save it for later when you do. It will change your life and your health!
When I was a child growing up in the 70’s, I was never exposed to pornography. The porn at that time was in corner store magazines on the top shelf, far out of reach from all little children. Later on when VHS tapes became popular in the 80’s, you could find porn in stores that had their windows covered so you could not see in, and you couldn’t enter unless you were 19 years old. Then came the 90’s, in particular the late 90’s when the internet came to life with video. This is when everyone with an internet connection could view porn virtually anytime with their personal computer from the privacy of their own homes. When the cell phone became popular in the 2000’s, that made it possible to view porn anywhere in the world, at any time and without age restrictions. Pornography has become very accessible in most societies around the world, except for the middle eastern countries that have blocked it from their internet.
Once a child gets their own cell phone, it’s only a matter of time before curiosity takes over and they’re viewing porn for the first time. They can become addicted to watching it daily and their sexual habits can often be shaped by it. Most parents don’t have any clue that their child has started to watch porn because the child tends to hide it as they find it is a shameful thing. A good parent will monitor and control their children’s internet and cell phone usage to ‘try’ to prevent exposure from happening. It’s not right that children as young as 9-13 are exposed to porn. It has very negative effects on their lives when they are older in real relationships.
The negative effects on real relationships or marriages have been felt in many ways.
The divorce rate has been getting higher and higher and this has somewhat to do with porn usage that has become common in our society. Men tend to be the ones who view porn most of the time. This causes a lack of interest in his spouse as the porn actor satisfies all of his desires, while the spouse is left wondering what is wrong with her? Viewing porn has been compared to someone addicted to cocaine. It has the same effect on the nervous system and it is a high that satisfies only temporarily. Men who watch porn can become sexually warped and confused. What I mean by this is that men are exposed to women that are being humiliated, abused, or even raped on video, and they are taught to think that all women like to be treated like this. The Fifty Shades of Grey movies that came out added to this idea and has caused many women to be confused in their sexual desires. Since porn became popular, the traditional marriage bed has become very warped and perverted. Some feel there’s no such thing as “making love’ anymore! Also when you are married and you look at porn, you are lusting after someone else and that has a negative spiritual effect on your relationship as it is the same as adultery in the heart and adultery is not good!
I could go on and on over the negative ways porn has affected our society, but I am sure you get the point. If you are addicted to porn, then please understand that it is not having a good impact on your life. You need to realize that it is wrong and not normal. If you are married and stop using porn then I guarantee you will notice a big difference in your sexual relationship with your spouse and so will she!!! If you are not married and single, then you need to stop so that you become more interested in finding a real relationship. Most men that watch porn become lazy and not interested in putting in an effort to find a meaningful relationship or marriage. Lastly, but certainly not least, is the fact that porn is not good in God’s eyes. It is written in 1 John 2: 15-17 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world or the things in the world then the love of the Father is not in them. For all that is in the world- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life- is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world and the lust of it is passing away; but whoever does the will of God shall abide forever.
Lust has been confused with love in our day and age. Porn is nothing but lust of the flesh and lust of the eyes and it is toxic for our society. Please consider never viewing porn again for a much better life!
Some time ago, I was ruled by anger and frustration that I held onto inside of me until my Mom’s last words before dying were “don’t be so frustrated darling”. It bothered me that I was frustrated even up to the time my Mother was about to die and those were her last words to me. It also woke me up to the fact that I was letting negative emotions control my life and that’s when I decided to do something about it. I realized quickly that my frustration was rooted in resentment and unforgiveness from ways I was treated in the past by others. I understood that I needed to let go of the resentments and forgive those things that happened to me in the past in order to have a better future.
Emotions like frustration and anger tell us something is wrong and in that way they make good friends, if we can listen. A good friend will tell you something is not right and help you make it better. I can say that since I dealt with these negative emotions ruling me, my life has improved greatly! I have more peace and happiness in my life and that is far better than anger and frustration.
If you’re ruled by anger and frustration and want to have peace and happiness then look back at the root of your resentment from the past, forgive it and let it go! It’s that easy my friend.
If you are depressed or feeling hopeless considering ending your life then I am glad you found this post. I want to tell you that you are not alone feeling this way. Many years ago I was in a deep depression and felt like ending my life, but I didn’t, and that’s why I am able to write this post. I was able to find a wife and had three wonderful children. I found a rewarding career and made great friends for life. I traveled the world and learned about many cultures. All of which I couldn’t have done if I would have ended my life so long ago.
On the flip side, over the years I have been the recipient of the awful news that a friend took their life. It hurts so bad when you hear that someone you loved ended their life. The first thing you think about is why didn’t they say something, or why didn’t they reach out for help? These questions never go away.
Suicide is not a good option, it’s the worst! It leaves everyone around you wounded for life and more important it cuts off your wonderful life that is waiting to happen.
I care so deeply about this that I am putting myself out there as someone to talk with. So if you are interested in giving me a call to talk about your situation and how to get through it, then I am here for you. This is my home phone landline you can call anytime if you are thinking of ending your wonderful life 1-705-676-2221. My name is John and I am someone who cares. If for some reason I am not home with no answer and you want someone to connect with right away then please call this number 1-800-273-8255 for help.
I grew up in a dysfunctional home. I witnessed my Mom get beat almost daily. One night was so bad, her head was being smashed against the tub. I had to run outside to get help, in my underwear. I was only 10 years old at the time. I really couldn’t understand why this man was always so angry and hurtful. I understood that it was wrong! Even now, I still don’t understand the feeling of hitting, hurting or humiliating a woman, and I thank God for that.
When you love your wife, your wife will love you and stay close to you.
When you put fear into her, she will fear you and separate from you.
There has been a drastic and unfortunate spike in abuse in the home as of lately and this has to stop. We’re not to put fear into those we love. If you are an abusive man who is angry and frustrated, who feels any kind of remorse for hurting the one he is to love, then please heed my words and make a vow to never hurt them again.
Love and cherish her, and she will lovingly do the same.
As a former Canadian Navy sailor, I navigated 3 oceans and visited 13 countries. I became a Shell-Back after only my first 3 weeks at sea. The former Navy can appreciate that achievement.
I’ve been to countries that are so poor by our standards. Straw houses with dirt floors. But, out of the thousands of people that I’ve met; the poorest people of the world are indeed the happiest in my humble opinion. I have countless wonderful stories of utter kindness and generosity with families that were so excited to have a friendly Canadian sailor visit them. Even in countries that were not poor, like Australia. I was hugged with excitement from every Australian when they realized I was Canadian. Quite frankly, it was so good to be a Canadian sailor, that American sailors made it a habit to say they were Canadian in many ports.
Canada is truly admired by the whole world because we are glorious and free!
Our words are very powerful as you must know by now. If you don’t believe our words can bring life or death, then I recommend looking at the rice experiment or water memory studies for understanding on this topic.
Our words that are directed to God, like in our National Anthem, “God keep our land glorious and free”, are like a prayer we have recited daily since our national anthem was first sung. I dare say God has answered that request and has kept our land glorious and free all along up till now.
If you’re a Canadian Forces member or Veteran, then you have defended that glorious freedom and I want to say thank you on this 11-11-2020.
Helpful Advice for Trauma Survivors
Sadness, shame, helplessness, anger, vulnerability, embarrassment, disappointment and frustration are the eight unpleasant feelings that prevent us from having a happier life according to Dr. Joan Rosenberg.
Whatever trauma you have been through, let me first congratulate you because you have made it through! All trauma is unique for each situation, however, the “after effects” are most, or all, of these unpleasant feelings. Holding on to them holds you back from happiness.
I know for me, I felt completely helpless and vulnerable, which led to me hiding away in my house. I became lazy and overweight. I ate whatever I wanted and drank beer everyday to deal with my sadness and shame. Many things about my trauma, and how it was handled, caused great disappointment, frustration and even anger.
This anger symptom was the first one I recognized and dealt with a few years ago. Simply put, anger is one letter away from danger! Over time, I have managed to change my life for the better by dealing with these unpleasant feelings in a productive way, rather than a destructive way. I eat healthy, non-processed food and drink fresh lemon water and do 22 push-ups a day. I have gone from 240 lbs down to 170 lbs. I used to wear a size 42 pant and am down to a size 32. My blood pressure was 166/111 and now it is down to 120/80. I am much happier now! Up until 2019, I was still holding onto disappointment and frustration from my military career. I was advised by a good friend to go see Veterans Affairs to see if they could help me. It was very difficult for me to be vulnerable and to ask for help, but I am glad that I did. Just as McDonald’s had terrible coffee and changed it to great coffee, so it is with Veterans Affairs. They had a reputation of not really caring and I thought it might be a waste of my time, but I was very wrong. I was met with love and compassion and I felt like my concerns were finally being addressed. This has allowed me to start to heal that part of my life. I realize it is not this way for everyone, but I had a good case manager.
If you’re like most trauma survivors and feel anxiety often, then listen closely:
You have two different nervous systems. One is called sympathetic and the other is parasympathetic. Parasympathetic is when you are calm and at peace, just like before you fall asleep. Your body heals while you sleep and when you are calm during the times you are awake. On the other hand, the sympathetic state kicks in when you see a bear with her cubs 10 feet away. Your heart rate and blood pressure go into survival mode and you are prevented from healing.
I spent years always anxious and worried, as a blood pressure of 166/111 would tell you, but over time I changed my habits and I have learned that the most important person to take care of in your life is YOU. In order to take care of yourself, you must deal with past negatives to make room for the positives.
This is indeed different for every person, depending on your circumstances, but for me, I found classical music, warm salt baths, being around positive people and nature to be most helpful. Whatever brings you to that place of calm and peace, should be your direction in life from now on. Also, deal with every unpleasant feeling or situation that comes along as positively as you can so you can quickly go back to your healing state of calm.
In 2016, I saw a statistic that said 22 military members take their life everyday and that shook me to the core. I had also heard of a group of former military personnel that do 22 push-ups a day to bring awareness, and also, in some weird way, to put our collective energy into combating this tragedy. This was the very beginning of my healing journey that has brought me this far.
If you are ever considering now or in the future to end your life for whatever reason, please understand that you have a real purpose for the life that you have been given. There are countless people, including myself, who have been at the bottom of a hopeless pit wanting to just die, but I am here to tell you that no matter how bad things get, they will always get better! I am living proof of that, so please never ever allow yourself to feel that way again. Keep breathing!
My definition of confidence is: the deep sense that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you face or pursue in life. I hope this article brings you understanding and confidence to handle whatever you face or pursue in your journey to peace.
Studies have shown that for every dollar spent on controlling psychosocial hazards, you can save between three to six dollars on your bottom line!
We can learn many things about stress management and how stress management can benefit workplaces. For example, dairy farmers are drastically changing the way in which cows are raised. Dairy farmers have found that creating a relaxing, non-stressful environment for the cows turns into better profits. Cows no longer are cooped up in small stalls, or separated from their young; instead they roam freely in pastures. Come milking time, the cows go in a modern, high-tech barn that is designed for maximum comfort. The floors are made of stainless steel, that’s so that the robotic squeegee can scrape all waste matter away to prevent disease. The cows also have access to large “car-wash type” brushes that automatically spin when a cow is present, this is to help the cow get at those irritating itches. Milking the cow is accomplished by a laser guided machine that finds each nipple, all without any person touching the cow. Once hooked up, the machine monitors the milk for any temperature changes or disease. To further reduce stress the cow is always with their young, even when it’s time for milking.
Dairy farmers say that a happy cow gives more milk, and that the milk is better quality. They are witnessing positive results from their investment in stress management.
How can we apply stress management to everyday workers? We need to first realize that stressed workers are less productive, more prone to accidents, have more sick days, and cost the company many thousands of dollars on the bottom line.
The solution to these problems can come through a good stress management program where employees feel good about coming to work and doing the best job they can. Creating this friendly, non-confrontational atmosphere can be attained through: commitment, desire, and proper leadership. The monetary cost of stress management can be minimal when you understand your psychosocial hazards that exist in your workplace, and you control them.
Over the past twenty years of health and safety management, there has been much study on the term Psychosocial hazard, and, if it really exists in our workplaces. The Ministry of Labor, W.S.I.B., Health and Safety Professionals, C.S.A and Union Leaders all recognize that psychosocial hazards are real, and that they can be controlled just as much as physical hazards.
One of the best things that managers can do is get out of the office and get some face time going with the workers on the front line. Get out and interact with them. Not in an event way like “ride the big bike” for charity event once a year. I mean get out there as individuals and create friendships with the employees. Too many times there is a distinct separation between management and hourly employees, which causes a distancing effect from your workforce that can undermine your corporate goals as a whole.
When a regular hourly employee knows your name and you give genuine recognition, then you have an employee who feels like you care about them and they will stop at nothing to do the best job they can to aid and assist in the success of the corporate goals.
Keeping your employees happy is a key component to getting the most out of your bottom line. With a business being ran by a bunch of unhappy campers who don’t want to be there, you can bet that your production rates will decrease as well. Not every job is glamorous. As a matter of fact, most jobs are the complete opposite. However, that does not warrant the assumption that every day has to be a living hell. Understanding the connection between employee wellness, morale, and the bottom line will help any frustrated supervisor transform their workforce.
Tracking Employee Wellness
Your employees are simply human beings who are trying to make a living. They do not need or wish to be treated as slaves – machines that can take a beating without uttering a complaint. Even machines break down; and your employees will as well if you don’t take some time…
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Morale, also known as esprit de corps when discussing the morale of a group, is an intangible term used to describe the capacity of people to maintain belief in an institution or a goal.
Right from the start of every military career, esprit de corps is taught to young recruits as an essential part of being in the military. It is the “Glue” that keeps a unit together, ready for whatever challenge may arise.
Being posted to a warship I know how true this really is, for example, when a ship has a high morale things are good. The food is great, everybody is rested and feeling energized.. smiles.. jokes and high fives all around. Nothing can stop us!
On the flip side, when the morale is low it can be like a jail with no escape. People are upset, frustrated and even emotionally damaged. You just don’t want to be there anymore, but you don’t really have a choice because you can’t just get off a ship in the middle of the ocean.
Interestingly enough, the Captain of the ship and how he treats the crew, is the sole reason for good or bad morale.
“One With The Strength Of Many“
When we think of at work, we generally think of physical hazards like: pinch points, nip points, trip hazards and guarding issues.
Psychosocial hazards are just as real as physical hazards at work, and in some cases, if not recognized and controlled they can have a very negative impact on your bottom line.
Many studies have been done on hazards, and the impact on the workplace. Dr. Martin Shain and have put out a recent study called Best Advice on in the . It simply states that workers with a high demand for production and little or no control, and, or, high effort/low reward are at risk of being frustrated, angry, and stressed, which can contribute to , sabotage, poor physical and mental health and a general lack of safety. These negative feelings can be multiplied two to three times if the employee perceives the as being unfair.
We can come up with many situations that exemplify this research, such as the example of a good marriage. When you ask two people who have been married for a long time “what helped them stay together”; they always say the same thing… “it is a relationship of give and take” which means the effort/reward system is good. On the other hand, ask a divorced couple to highlight the reasons why they got divorced and the answer is mostly…”I gave so much and got nothing in return”, Which means the effort/reward system has failed and so has their relationship.
Oddly enough, the marriage scenario is most like our workplaces. The relationship between employer/employee both have basic needs that have to be met to feel good about the working relationship.
Recognizing that psychosocial hazards exist is the first step in a process set up to control them, and controlling them can put you in list where the effort/reward system is working; and it is the main reason why they are considered Top Employers!